my problem is that i feel
emotion weighs 99 pounds more than i can rationally bear
muscles strain
throat choaks
voice hushes
trembles
fails

thoughts run rampant
and disease takes hold

eyes dart
think think
think

senseless and laying on cold tile
hard and impersonal

"what about it?"

insensitivity drives while i sit in the backseat unbelted in
driving without the wheel is very dangerous indeed

make sense out of half words
l tt s
out of order and missing meaning like the last bus home

and i hold my breath close like the teddy bears i used to buy myself
waiting for an answer that won't come