Unfiled (for m.s.)
i was always too open for you
too much for you to handle
too many words written
too much ink spilled
too much emotion spent

letters i wrote to you were too much

did i feel too much?
is there such a place?
time always seems against me
and distance and ambition
lonely
is my best friend

you were one of the men i could always call on
and hear a warm voice
i always felt near and never annoying

so i don't know how it ended
i don't even know her name or all of who she is
is she the one?
is she kind and does she wish for you the absolute best?

i don't know, with all the hurt i hold given by you, if i could ever see you again
like i did before

when i do see you,
my heart will skip

and my breath will pause for just
a brief second
but after the silence, there will be voices all around
and all the memories will be like mosquitoes all around
biting at me, stealing my very blood, but unworthy of any real time

all the real time fell away through all the years we wasted on the idea that things just happen
because passive living is only for some
not i

what i used to believe is long gone
as is everything that came with it
you

we are long gone and all done