i had only been waiting about a month when the letter finally came. resurrection had not only lifted jesus, but me too and i was still high and not coming down soon from the spirit of God.
i walked into my apartment, phone in hand at ear and my mind was slightly attentive to the voice of my linesister, whom i do deeply love. and there it was sticking out from my door. this large-ish envelope from USPS with a smaller envelope inside. not that i could see the writing, because i couldn't. my eyes had computer glaze permanently stuck in them and there is no definition anymore. but i knew it was from him. my friend who i have loved since forever, but for us time and energy never collided.

so i came in and ripped it open, not expecting too much but knowing something was there to be held onto, just like all the words we ever shared. rip, rip. tear, snatch, open!!!
and finally a small slip of paper along with a brochure for something--i'd read it later. eyes scan, heart listen. phone call over.

okay, reread.
words, meaning, feeling, care all there on the paper and then...what? what cd? wait. there was something missing--now i knew why the larger envelope had been there at all. the smaller envelope had been entered against its will and the music was gone and i was there. left shouting into some unearthly void, hoping to transport my angst to another continent because...because i needed more. and the more i needed was too far away to be placed on my desk of will dos and keepsakes. and the sound of music presently eluded me and all there was was a silence of a poor kind, barking below, and keys on a music-less keyboard that would hopefully say the words to bring it back to me. the rhythms the songs the melodies the richness of it all--the reason for each selection that was to have been given to me. not here and not now mine. but i was there and i was looking for what i hoped wasn't lost forever. because lost forever is a very bad place to be.

so i began on the quest to find all of what was mine and to make it, quite literally, music to my ears.