"Let us always remember the laughter spent together.Opportunity comes but once seized stays forever.Victories both public and private start with vulnerability.Every chance i have I will embrace you"
--j williams

ME: you remember that night we were on the phone and you asked me what kind of music i listened to?
(Hypothetical) YOU: no
ME: well i don't remember what i was listening to at the time, but it was probably my playlist that started with Bonnie Raitt's I can't make you love me, which always reminds me of the guy who kind of broke my heart
(Hypothetical) YOU: okay
ME: well anyway, that night you said something about how it seems like i like to make myself miserable sometimes, with the things i engage in and the music i listen to, and it's true--i admitted it then, that sometimes i like to make sure i'm feeling what i'm feeling as fully as possible, so just keep going and going into whatever direction it is that i'm headed
(silence)
ME: I've been thinking about you a lot lately--and i just found this thing you wrote on the last day i ever saw you and it's pushing me further away from you but closer to you at the same time
and it hurts, but it feels good, like i'm proving to myself that i really can feel something
(Hypothetical) YOU: That's what you were crying about that night in the park.
ME: Yeah
(Hypothetical) YOU: It was really late and you had to work the next day. Why were you crying so hard?
ME: Because I wanted to be able to feel the way I felt i should for you, but i couldn't make myself...but i thought my not being able to love you, even with your leaving, meant that i was crazy and that even if something amazing came my way i would miss out on it
(Hypothetical) YOU: Hmmm
ME: Yeah--I mean there is some truth in it. Otherwise I would probably really be talking to you now, instead of trying to pretend I know what you would say in this instance...