letter from a young poet (for dlm1)

i know you said you always read my emails.
and that even though you may not respond (which you never do) that you'll read it no matter what.

last week, i had a dream mid-week about you. that night i was depressed--mostly too many thoughts of self-pity resulting from having allowed myself to mouth the words that i haven't been on one date this year and my having convinced myself that i'm not desirable on a level other than sexual.
The dream I'd had with you in it left me with one resounding thought that stayed with me even in the few hours i was feeling less than myself.
The thought was one I had hoped to tell you, but because you have mastered the art of disappearance and being accessible only when you want to be and only to whom you desire, I decided that it was more important that I get it out than to wait to reach you. It's clear to me that I also will never know if and when you will have received this message, but I'm not concerned with that.

You are my one.

This is what the night gods brought me last week. "You," references you, with no confusion or chance to disregard the directness of this mention. I believe that you ARE my one--that if time and situation and circumstance and God, minus fear, stubbornness or human interference are the ruling powers, you will be the one to "make me whole," excepting God that is.

I accept this fact with all the peace I had in sleep, and even more, with the peace I was finally able to garner that night during troubled mind state.
I'm communicating it to you because it feels right.

Now, I believe the last time we spoke, I told you I was reading the Autobiography of Angela Davis. If I had an address for you, I would send you a copy, because I have an extra. Alas, I cannot send to an unknown address, but you should pick it up. It's definitely a powerful read--I have yet to reach the halfway mark, but with the work I know you have to do and the goals you have in mind for yourself and future, I definitely think you'll be changed and moved by what's in this book.

Among my next reads, I plan to include: Soledad Brothers, The Tipping Point, Black Power, The Time Traveler's Wife...
The list will never end :)

Maybe you'll join me on this reading rainbow.

It was absolutely wonderful to talk to you for the time we shared (and sang) the other night. Thank you for sticking by such a difficult friend throughout all this time.

You are loved,

As always...