what i do

i
leave my music on
when i leave my apartment
so i will have something
to greet me when i return

i
take the trash out
but don't replace the bag
it's representative of me
i am an unfinished job

i
over dress
over pack
over think
and sometimes think overstand something that's way above my understanding

i do things that make me happy
things that make me smile
i avoid difficulty as much as possible
because i see no worth
in avoidable problems

i talk to my friends
about problems in having with other friends
sometimes never getting to the root of the problem

i circumvent
and my favorite way to vent
is to write
because writing makes me happy
and it makes me smile

i write
to avoid confrontation
but at times
i find it inevitable
both confrontation and writing i mean

ummm. . .
i look people i see in the eyes
eye contact
i contact people who may
not remember me
but i remember them

i tell people they are wonderful because they are
sometimes i say "i'll call you right back"
when i know i won't

i never meant to hurt anyone
but it happens out of my control and
sometimes out of my knowing

i practice sarcasm because i feel it keeps conversation light
and reminds us not to be so serious

i trust God
but he is one of a very few

i knit
because it gives me a sense of creation
and i really do want to be like God

i try to live in a way

that will bring my mother no shame
i speak with authority on things i am sure of
for most else, i say "i don't know"

i have high standards
and low tolerance

i smile at strangers
i have a hard time committing
i buy on impulse
especially shoes
because i'll only live once
and i'd like my life to be full of both temporary
and elongated happinesses
and because it seems that nothing lasts forever these days
(exceptin' God)

i sing
because it is a gift
and a responsibility

i try my best
to remember what people say
because i think listening is important
and i treasure words in most forms and formats

i hope to be remembered when i take leave of this world
i pray that God has his own way
i believe in the goodness in others
but seldom ask for much
because i dislike (and avoid) rejection
but also because i don't see it my place to extend the will of others for my benefit (in general)
...(unless it's family or friends)

and i love
fully and freely
and with little regard for what others might think or do in response
i love for myself
most of the time affecting others
and changing myself
in the process

Copyright © 2006 by Arin Lawrence