what if
i love you from a distance
and we never
get to hold one another?
does that mean we're not real?

does my love make you love me too?
are we? or is it just me?

what if
love at first sight
is all we have
and all there ever will be?
does that mean we're just a memory?
or can we extend the boundaries of time and remember each other's eyes
always

Unfiled (for m.s.)
i was always too open for you
too much for you to handle
too many words written
too much ink spilled
too much emotion spent

letters i wrote to you were too much

did i feel too much?
is there such a place?
time always seems against me
and distance and ambition
lonely
is my best friend

you were one of the men i could always call on
and hear a warm voice
i always felt near and never annoying

so i don't know how it ended
i don't even know her name or all of who she is
is she the one?
is she kind and does she wish for you the absolute best?

i don't know, with all the hurt i hold given by you, if i could ever see you again
like i did before

when i do see you,
my heart will skip

and my breath will pause for just
a brief second
but after the silence, there will be voices all around
and all the memories will be like mosquitoes all around
biting at me, stealing my very blood, but unworthy of any real time

all the real time fell away through all the years we wasted on the idea that things just happen
because passive living is only for some
not i

what i used to believe is long gone
as is everything that came with it
you

we are long gone and all done

(for d.m.2)
Every moment I spend without you is a second missed
Your name repeats itself
My brain echoes the memories we shared
Together is a place we have never seen
A world I dreamt of
I airbrushed skies with rainbows from my childhood and made you part of my happiness

Eternal

You were the answer for so long

Still my mind, she races back to you each time
Pacing herself
Bracing herself for a fall
Tripping on the silences
Undialed phone calls are small hurdles compared to the scheduled pickups that were never picked up
Seductions never seduced
Hugs never held

‘round the bend she runs
Catching the wind only to come back around again

She knows no end
There is no finish line
Because you are not and never were there

She dances to the tune of her own music
Alone

In her own arms
Stuck forever in reverie of you with me

what if you were her reason for living. . .loving?
When you left her, did you leave her to find more from life?
Or was her fortitude all in you?

Trust not in man

But she did
In this man was her trust

Too late to replace?
Never too late to trust in God

No. (for j.w.3)

We can't make love tonight. Perhaps the time will come, but it is not now. And if again you hear me say no, i don't ever want you to think i'm saying it as a form of rejection.
i could never reject you. I don't say no because i don't love you. it's because i love myself more and i always will.
is that an alright place for you?
can you accept being next to me, sometimes even behind? never ahead?

With this mind and these questions am i failing to love?
Jesus. . .God

for god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth on him should not perish but have everlasting life

if God be in me and i step behind you in this life, haven't i put you before God?
But if i see the God in you and in me and we are one, then He lives in and with us,
so neither can ever be before or behind, but together.
for there is no longer a you or an i.
just us, only we.

only God.