i want to let go of you
i want to forget that moment when you told me you liked me
release the fear or remembering us in that second
or those hours when we lay close
bodies melting mid air
upside down
inside out

in the dim gray light of the leftover sun i can only see my mistakes
my frustrations
the stains you have made on my emotional canvas
my palette wasn't even filled
i had no need to paint
didn't even know where my brushes were

i watch movies now
images regurgitated over and over again
creation eludes me
and i'm ok with it

so why did you come, only to wake me up and then leave me alone again
sport perhaps
baseball, soccer and boudoir

i didn't bring you here on my own
you requested your own presence
and i acquiesced

and i keep actually listening to you tell me lies
keep believing in your goodness
somewhere in you

i don't believe i fell a third time

but what if it's not sweet
anymore?
what if remembering is actually the sticky glue that holds you back from falling into the place where you're supposed to be
what if memory is just unhealthy remembering that only brings tears and frustration at mistakes made over and then over again and again

what if memory isn't sweet at all?

moments, they say
moments--value the moments

i cannot go back to that moment
it scars too deep
draws blood
makes a fool of me

tell me why
tell me why