I watched
Astonished
As he dropped words for me like I dropped my panties for him
I give to you because you give to me
And I'll keep coming back again and again
And again
Your abundant rivers break open solid grounds in me…
This silent cottony deaf thing in my mouth—is this what speechless feels like?

The hills have rolled away with my heaven
I step onto a rock, see myself reaching up to the blue sky
Come to find out, it’s not the sky at all but your eyes

Why did you play that song that night?
And why did you make me feel like a natural woman and hold me so tight and make me feel so real and warm and wanted?
Why did you sing songs with me?
And why did you kiss me on my neck?
Why did you play me music and write me poems?
When all you ended up doing was leaving me alone?
Why did you take my poems?
Why did you take my breath?
You took my songs and you accepted my gifts
You took my time and I only let you because I thought you were mine

Why were you there?
And why aren’t you here anymore?
Why did you change?
Why aren’t things the same?

Why were we friends
And how did we become so?
Why are there so many things about you I don’t know?
Why did I think you loved me as I loved you?
Why didn’t you love me?
How did we grow so far after being so close?

What happened to the kingdom we built?

You were the only one who mattered for so long
The phone that was never ignored
You were the dedication written and signed
The muse I cried over and wept for
The words I pored over, night after night

The body for which I never longed, but always wanted
You were always drops full of love that I couldn’t realize
A face drowned in tears
A throat choked up with emotion

And I’m calling you out tonight
Pulling your memory back to mind
Back to an empty space in me
My brain is screaming out the question, why?
And I’m left wondering what happened

You are the hardest choice I’ll ever have to make
The deepest breath I’ve ever thought to take
Because you took me away from everything real
And after all these years you touch my heart still

Putting you to sleep is
Nice
Your eyz cloze
aNd yr erz pillow out all sound
Only my voice
Saying
Go to sleep crawls thru your fatigue strong enuf for u to wake and sey
Goodnight

Let me hold you
Let me hold you
You let me hold you and it was good to feel close to another beating heart

I am inspired by the light I saw in your eyes
The reflection ponds welling in you
Time did not itself tick away but held steady between you and me
Sitting
Drinkin
Talking
Being who we felt like being tonight
The only ones we know how to be

And on the way home you held me close and I held on
Up we both fell sleepy head on sleepy head

Your opened arms brought me generosity so far away I didn’t remember what it looked like when I saw it
Blinked twice and then fell down in your muscled armory

Now I’m home and almost ready to fill myself with the feeling of your familiar against my face
Arm around my waist
Warmth in my space
You are very welcome to come as you please

Is laughter considered self tickling?
Or is it a tickle at a distance
Like a drive by shooting without the pain?
Involuntary is what it seems to me
And then it must be more like a gift quite well wrapped and very well hidden
Like the valley?
And really if a valley is hidden where really is it?
And who knows?

The sound of laughter is sharable
Rice falling in a kitchen floor
And too transparent to find again without sweeping it up and throwing it away
It might be soft and shy
A wool sweater that falls in the back of a walk-in closet
Footsteps on a carpet
Nobody hears it so nobody knows it
Unless their ears are open and attentive to the giver

Earth shattering and quite conspicuous
Literally disturbing
Please
Don’t do that again

Or better
Shut up!
Not so much a gift as a joke
And then who’s laughing?

Not me

But it is not controllable this gift we give when given the gift of the impulse to share ourselves with anyone in hearshot
So in our freedom slash lack of control
Let us just make the most of the sounds around us the things we see with eyes now wet from wit well used and so very funny

Do not close it in with a haha but let it breathe and spell itself
Give new definition to the smile

it’s funny.
the man who has released all these words images and emotions in me is nowhere to be found
and I don’t think I need him
want is a different concept altogether, though I don’t think I’m going to further pursue either need or want for now

his voice is deep and whole
i say it is monotonous but not so much as a drone as a song
his voice is a song that sings in one and a hundred notes
i listen attentively to the record in my head
as it spins I sit down to write
my fingers the only respondents to his conversation inside of me

The place I lost and found my innocence was the place I found myself
Love hung low on full green boughs
And bugs ate away at my unknowing
Skies lay high above my head and hands never were idle
Days were filled with dance and music and good old folk songs that donned the walls of the rec hall
Wooden with warmth and filled with the knowing of labor
Those days cleaned themselves leaving lasting memory in me
If I hush I hear the hum of stories being read as sleep drifted us into imagination
Smells still rouse me on good mornings and i am energized by what newness the day will bring
Lumber hard worked and then firelit
Leaves fallen and heaven sent

Paths hidden and unknown until feet fall and tread it familiar
This place was where I learned that nature holds us all safe and close
Underneath a bright night sky, white stars find us hopeful that our eyes will again see such glory
And whispers turned into longings of love and what we hoped life would hold
A kiss on a cheek never before met by lips not mothers or fathers
Vans packed tight
Sleeping bags and repellent

And rivers and creeks and streams

And sad goodbyes
Spiders crawled legs while friendship was braceleted around our souls
Clay melted deep into our fingers as we all came together
Barnyard style
Loud and proud
And denying the confines of social graces
Take a drag
Pick an apple
Make a scene
Break the rules
Set the record straight
Pull laughter from ten-year olds
Render creation sacred

I remember the infirmary where at 7am the screen door was shut and sleep lay at rest inside
When blue eyes locked into mine, 5 years too young to know what to do with a stare

To go back to good food
Wicked confidence
Beautiful earth
Cooking hands
Rich minds

Is to go back home
To reunite the circle
Between all of these groups of dancers
Looping the world wide with their goodness
And making a promise never to be broken

May this place never be broken

Circle pines

You are steeped in fear
Like a tea bag mischosen and bad tasting in my mouth when I sip carefully in fear of burning my mouth

Let me burn

Your hands are unknown to mine
Your eyes hidden in the dark of your coverings

And you like this picture of yourself you paint

Control is yours and unshared
No such co-conspirators
No shared space

You hope to keep footing without losing those on whom you walk

And I care not so much your path, but my back is mine
And not for your feet

I have this problem admitting to myself that I want you to want me
If you call you’re wrong
If I call I’m definitely wrong
If you say the words I love you I freeze
Ignition falters
Car halts
Airbags activate
And I am left without

When i was younger i never knew what it would look like for a girl to have to walk funny and never knew why
until last night became this morning and the curve of my legs just wasn't the same

to a real poet--s.k.

i like the way your hands creep up behind me
my skin laughs at your tender taming touch
you are family and of the same care
your hands are nature's gift and do belong everywhere they go
know what they want
on my neck they tell stories of world travels
down the bumpy road of my spine they detour
chancing reality and taking in the scenery on all sides of this mountain
i stand
and somehow i can stand not letting out a scream
a whimper
not letting my head fall too dramatically to the front or the back
this is not a public affair
and i say to you i knew it would be this way
sweet like in childhood when i longed for whipped cream,
scooped it up with one finger and devoured delight whole
and always came back for more
and the more your fingers lingered, crawled, created home for you
on me
the better i knew that your eyes have seen me whole before
and i do not doubt we have come to this spot where we stand
soft hand in soft hand

When i gt oldr and my children tug @ my skirt and ask me where i wz whn
& if i wz there then, i want 2 b able 2 say, "i wz there for love"

i wait for your voice to cover me
in day or sleep

good night