When I can write a detailed description of what happened and nothing comes of it but words and sounds—maybe colors—it appears that the only thing lacking might be feeling.
What are we feeling?
And if we’re not feeling anything, then what are we doing?

when you have something to say and you’re the only one who knows it
you’re stuck in this goo-ish type of feeling
of wanting to say more but knowing that you may be the only one
confessions are like that
they have the power to transform what could be and might be trust into a very different creature

Sitting at a desk
Unable to focus
Eyes on my mind
Arms wrapped tight
Never let me go
And sunlight coming in thick and heavy with light
Blinds me in the morning
Got something to say
But no ears to talk them to
Is this the caught up I’ve heard so much about

Can’t say I’m pleased to meet you
But here you are
Discombobulating me
Debalancing me
Loving me to unsteady

I don’t want to have to think of you when I can’t have you
Missing you is not on my agenda
But here you are
Kissing me
Touching me
Loving me to unsteady

About you I feel good
Not indescribable
But not in need of explanation

—clean and simple

and then just like that it was like her mind changed. like he had somehow transferred a new way of being to her. changed her. no more useless chatter. less talk meant more art. less talk, the less time was wasted. the more space there was for creation. less was lost on others. more preserved for self. and since art was the highest form of self-preservation anyway, this seemed right?

But what of all the others? would missed calls remain just that? what of human interaction? and what of inspiration by outside forces.

She heard her answer from within. Balance, it said. Strike the necessary balance to created and sustain creation.

and this was good.

i think one of the most puzzling things about the whole divorce thing is working out the way it confuses the definition of love

like…if we’re married and we got married because of love, and divorced because the love is gone, then what really is love? and how can you lose it? and how, if it can disappear, do you ever really know it’s there?

like…what determines love? that you like the sound of my voice? that we enjoy each other’s company? that we can stand each other long enuf to make each other smile?
is that love?

And even if it is, how do we know it’ll still be there tomorrow?

if i say all that i think how does it make you feel?
do you like to hear my voice?
your voice is strong
diligent and powerful
conscious of its own weight and range
you seem to think i want to be involved with knowing you
like i care as much as i do to really come to get you
i hold my arms out before me
palms facing you
your eyes squint
neck tilts
i close my eyes
start my inner conversation with God
he tells me-she tells me
that you, who have so many reasons to doubt,
have already boarded the flight towards which i am pacing
that your bags are stowed,
your seatbelt clamped,
and your heart steady

i read the language when i originally purchased the ticket
non-refundable, non-transferrable, non-returnable
but still my muscles keep me slow and way behind
late for take off
my seat is across the aisle from you
beside you
close enuf to reach out
and touch you
and i want to touch you

i have gotten so used to being touched
to touching without trust
i fear the gravity of my emotional potential
do i board this flight?
shall i join you in the air?
stop this game of living without loving?

final call
i hear my name
passengers all aboard
you open your eyes, turn your head towards my seat

and there i stand with my back to you
securing my belongings in the stowaway compartment
you reach out, sqeeze what is yours

i smile over my shoulder
i have said my prayers
God - he and she - has given me the go ahead
has signed off of the possibility of you
and i have trusted
i take my seat
fasten my seatbelt, your eyes holding me in place
i see your eyes full with wonder and hope
but mostly wondering what this flight will be like
if we will arrive safely and on time
i lift mine eyes to yours
and commit to breaking down, for the whole journey,
all that has kept me from flying until now

my furrowed brow relaxes as i take you into my eyes as the gift you are,
reach out to you with my left hand
your right hand in mine,
i am now ready to fly

reflexions
I like it best when you smile
Little boy inside jumps out and up into my arms
A virtual hug ensues and I just get happy
My immediate response is to smile back
I have no other honest option
It’s more a reflex really
Like some people will do most anything for money
And how if I suck your thumb you get excited
I smile when you smile
And maybe when I do that you keep smiling for just a little bit longer
Cause you see me for that moment
In you

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."
-James Baldwin

We almost lost us between your legs and mine
24 years after a wonderful birth and a wonderful life lived I find myself wondering if there’s anything more to us

I do see lights all around
Both now and in their coming

I admit it
I want to say more of you than the warmth of your body close to mine
Want our mouths to create melodies that only we will understand by the shapes of our eyes
May the dance in our bodies be met with light music floating us closer and closer without the loss of clothes or innocence

The answer is yes
There is more than nudity
More than clean sheets stained by lust

Are you willing to leave lust alone for a while
While we open our eyes to words yet unspoken
Smiles yet unleashed
And time not yet ticked

Please say yes
so i can for once choose you
instead of me

so that i can this time say yes
instead of no