i believe, she said, that reaction is often the worst kind of action, born from fear instead of flight, and darkened by competition, in place of light

i think the best part about crying is letting it out
but only if you let it all out
like i sometimes hold it in
i use words people don't know or understand
and i find a way to trample the entire woods before burning the bush
i don't say names
i want to say names but i am a virgo
i censor and consider myself loyal
so i say DLM which could be 1 of three or all three indeed
and then i say cm, who knows who he is but will never come to see me here
and i am always alone and though i have gotten comfortable with this reality, even when i am laying beside a lover, one time i did cry in public and his name was jamar
and he let me wet him and he even held me
and years later i still don't know if we're actually friends or not

i find it best to deal in what we know
and what i know is
to cry is to be open
and feeling
and willing to be alla that

yea
i think tears are pretty cool

i wish i could go back to
traveling just because
brushing twice, daily
smiling cause of some-him
being fully swamped with thoughts a muse gave me one night in a city neither of us would ever return to
dancing heavy or light depending on the beat
walking anywhere and nowhere all at once

now i'm completely lost in real time
finding my way has no real direction and i was much closer to found when income was coming and thoughts were tight like my pussy used to be

i get stuck on corners i have never seen before wondering where the hell i'm going and how i'm aupposed to get there on time
i hold my breath while crying in my bed at night--living alone wasn't supposed to look or feel like this

'tis love' sparks through my mind like the memory it always will be
cars driven in cities familiar and fare hikes silent and iridescent on my golden radar of not knowing much at all

prom dresses cost a little more now and parade through churches heading towards altars of i do when i still haven't and don't know if i ever truly will
cause one thing that hasn't come or gone with the time is my will to have it my way
and 82 was a powerful year but i knew i wanted it like that before i ever touched the BK Big fish
i was raised vege-/pescetarian

so when i look back over my life
and think things o-over
i find myself furrowing my brow
cause i don't seem to be as good at living as i used to

i thought things only got better with time...?