i want to let go of you
i want to forget that moment when you told me you liked me
release the fear or remembering us in that second
or those hours when we lay close
bodies melting mid air
upside down
inside out

in the dim gray light of the leftover sun i can only see my mistakes
my frustrations
the stains you have made on my emotional canvas
my palette wasn't even filled
i had no need to paint
didn't even know where my brushes were

i watch movies now
images regurgitated over and over again
creation eludes me
and i'm ok with it

so why did you come, only to wake me up and then leave me alone again
sport perhaps
baseball, soccer and boudoir

i didn't bring you here on my own
you requested your own presence
and i acquiesced

and i keep actually listening to you tell me lies
keep believing in your goodness
somewhere in you

i don't believe i fell a third time