confession #0869
i create confusion in my own head even though i know God isn't its author which is why i am aware that i am th eone doing it
and i know doubt is the devils' cousin and i know that i could do better than i do
but my brain works in overtime and maybe one day someone will stick along long enough to make some sense of it or help me stop what it is i do
which is too much for any one person

but it kind of does work for me
sure it gets sometimes i bit redundant
lonely-ish
but i appreciate solitude
i live in its box and have for some time
i built it up so pretty and nice
even painted
and i'm so comfortable here
i can know the sound of my own voice without being confused by anyone else's hand in my pie
i'm the head chef and i know what i make is healthy so i can eat it

and i just don't know what the rules are anymore outside my box because i haven't left it in so long
so i don't know if i wasn't supposed to kiss him the 1st date
and maybe he shouldn't have seen my place but it was cold outside and i know i don't yet want bitter so i let him come in
and then when he left it feels like part of me went out so now i'm a little scattered and woozy
and i just wish i had something to take for this because even though i'd like to
i don't know when or where my next meal is or will be or coming from or not

and it's a little blistery out here being alone in my head

:looking for shelter within